Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
