Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
