you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
