There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum