I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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