So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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