oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My ass is underappreciated
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
