It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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