I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
