Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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