stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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