I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
