Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
