i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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