Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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