...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
