Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
