Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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