he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
