is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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