I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
