Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
