Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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