i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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