I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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