The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
