pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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