I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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