Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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