They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
