well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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