I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
