I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
