shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
