I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
