Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
