i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
