one two three fourrrrnication!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
