I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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