i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
