his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Actions speak louder than pants.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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