I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
