I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
