who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
