I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
