Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
