i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
