I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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