were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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