YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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