he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
