that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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