she was so not down for the gang bang
I am midnight drunk by noon
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
