i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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