Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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