Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
