i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
