I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
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