Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
