im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
