i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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