So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am one with the molecules
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
