yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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