He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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