So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
