I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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