U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize