my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
