that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
